looking out at spokane snow

december 24.
while looking out at spokane snow.

you know, as i sit here looking out at the night,
it's hard to really grasp what it means to be just minutes away from christmas.
it's like i'm standing on the doorstep of a house i've been in so many times before,
and yet each year of late, i find myself mystified by it.
i'm filled with sweet nostalgia,
memories of yuletides long gone,
and a love for the simple traditions buried beneath this commercial, materialistic holiday.
and yet, the present thrills me none at all.
does age equate to cynicism?
i now only seem to find wonder in the memories of childhood.
it seems i desire this season and all its trimmings to conjure up these cheery phantoms of what was.
but it will never be the same.
as i think now,
i find in my heart a growing longing to be a father.
to be a parent watching the wonder and joy of my own children
at the mystery, magic, and love of christmas.
as if it were a piece of myself experiencing it all again for the first time.
i guess that is what christmas is about... kids.
it began with one child.
the greatest gift sprung from the greatest love.
and now every year we give gifts to each other in love.
and parents watch their little gifts from God wonder at the magic of it all,
and we remember what it was to be that starry-eyed kid.
and i hope that everyone... everyone,
breathes a deep thank you for the God who came as a child beneath a star.

No comments: