silence

silence is not hearing what you long to hear.
and it is what it is, whatever the reason.
whether you can't hear it or no one will say it.
my life is noisy and full of silence.
desperate one-sided conversations.
mournful questions whispered to deaf ears.
i need a word.
i pray but i can't hear him.
how can a man know if he is deaf,
when he doesn't know what it is to hear?
i don't know what it is to hear him.
and because i do not hear him,
i crave other voices to speak the word.
but they don't.
or they can't.
or i can't hear them either.
i am trapped in skin and neurons.
pounding at the walls.
begging to be set free.
or have some company.
Jesus, are you in here?
please speak, i'm trying to hear you.

there are better things

today is beautiful. the sky is blue. the air is cool and crisp. the sunrise was inspired.
i sit in a cubicle today. i work at a computer. i write words few will read. i am uninspired.
there are better things in this life.
she is sleeping. she is beautiful. she breaks my heart. she is inspiration.
there are better things in this life.
it is the little things that get to me.
the little squeaky noises she makes when she stretches, yawning and tired.
the inflection of her happy greeting.
the stray brown curls above her ears that defy her control.
her smile. her compassion. her laugh.
her eyes break me.
are there better things in this life?
my mind says yes. the rest of me weeps in defiance.
could i love another so?
perhaps.
i have never felt this way before.
who am i to declare such a thing eternal?
but i would.
give me a crown and call me the king of fools, i would.
it wouldn't be my first mistake.
i insist it would not be my last.
there are better things in this life.
and beyond.
the flesh is temporary. emotion is fleeting.
lust is a drug. its promises are vicious lies.
infatuation is fuel. it burns hot and fades. it will always fade.
but oh, the heat!
love is...
...a decision.
love is the movement.
my love, say the word and i will move.
my Lord, say the word and i will leave it all.
but the silence is my agony.
here is my unrepentant desire.
i am the deaf boy.
and still i listen to the voices of the blind men.
i long for music. i crave her smile.
i crave her smile.
there are better things.