daughter

i have a daughter now.
two months old tomorrow.
unbelievable.
i didn't realize what an identity shift it is to become a parent.
why do the most significant parts of reality feel so surreal?
how can it be that this small person smiles so big when she sees me in the morning?
how can she be part me and part my wife?
never, never doubt the bond created by sex.
whether or not it does each time,
the mere fact that it tends to create a new person
who is part you and part your lover
is enough to prove it.
no, not even that it tends to do so,
but merely that it can.
that alone is enough to prove the dramatic significance and power of sexual union.
it is holy.
the very power of God.
the God who gives both life and meaning to flesh.
i thought i held sexuality in high esteem before Adelle was born,
but now...
consider me awestruck.

blindmandesign

...is at it again. Google updated Blogger, so i thought i'd best give it a try, eh?

This may be the new home for blindmandesign. Or it may not. We'll see. Or we won't and just i will.

Let's see if at the end of the day this post pops up in Duvie's latest web frill. If so, then "Hi Adam."

Sylvan's request

"Will you color with me?", asked Sylvan.

"Not right now, I'm going to go do..."

Something important.
I went to do something I needed to do, didn't I?
Oh no.
What a glorious invitation i passed on today.
i could have colored!
i never color anymore.
I saw i wasn't good at coloring, so I stopped.
Growing up is dangerous like that.
It's so easy to forget that playing isn't competing,
so easy to confuse the serious with the important
or the skillful with the valuable.
Sylvan wanted to color while Leo hid in a box
and Violette carefully balanced a pillow on her head.
How silly they are.
How wonderfully, worshipfully, beautifully silly!
But me?
Well, I had to do something important.

the here and now

can you see beyond the here and now?
to worlds a thousand miles away
can your mind conceive what happens there?
your heart feel a stranger's pain?

can you see beyond the here and now
to where eternity awaits
do you mourn as one who has no hope?
where does your treasure lay?

'cause there is life there (out) beyond you
and there is life right where you are
and that tension that can tear you (apart)
is same that makes you whole

can you be right in the here and now?
live life like you could die today
can your eyes perceive the meaning in
the things that you see every day

be where you are
let your eyes see far
don't fear a broken heart

be where you are
let your eyes see far
let love break the calloused heart

the questions

an amateur poet's epistemology
or an amateur epistemologist's poem,
part 1 (i make no promise of further parts)
------------------------------
yeah i know that we don't know
just how much that we don't know
or even why we know
all that we think we know

and it's true that Truth is real
or even nothing can't be true
and you can't question your existence
if there's no such thing as you

still the questions are always bigger
than the answers i can find
so there must be something more
than just me, myself, and i

but if there's more here than just me
that must include what i perceive
for what use is it to doubt
all that i can hear or see?

because the gap between thinking
and living such a thing
would divide me from all of you
that are listening to me

so the questions are still bigger
than the answers we can find
and there must be something more
than just you and i and why

the beauty of creating

i received an encouraging email today.
from a woman who was encouraged by the words on my website.
in response, i shared that i, too, am often encouraged by the words,
even those that are my own.
that is the beauty of creating, in whatever form:
it sets something beyond yourself that can give unto to others
and even back to you.
what a delightful thought then,
to think of how God,
the Creator,
might be encouraged and blessed by His creations...
including us.
He has set something beyond Himself
that can give to others
and to Himself.
sixpence none the richer, indeed!
the economy of God is truly strange and beautiful.
i am grateful to be made in the Imago Dei,
with the power to create.

if i ever

if i ever knew just how you love me
if i understood the way you feel
if i ever called just at the right time
i might know what i'm supposed to do

if i ever saw the view from your side
if i only knew all of the truth
if i could hold my gaze at your eyes
i might always agree with you

but i'm calloused on the inside
i've been crooked way down deep
i am used to just pretending
that i'm as good as i can be

if i ever told you how i love you
if i could ever show the way i feel
if i can stand naked before you
i might have your point of view

but i am calloused on the inside
for so long crooked way down deep
and i'm used to just pretending
that i'm as good as i can be

save me jesus, kill me quickly
i must die a thousand times
before i will believe you love me
before i stop buying my own lies

these words fall easily from my lips
like so many words before
but have i ever really meant them
if i never love you any more

someday i'll see the bigger picture
and not this dim and mirrored view
but until then i'm just trusting
that you love me and i love you

still i'm calloused on the inside
i'm still crooked way down deep
i'm just trying not to pretend
that i'm as good as i can be