unreasoned and unreasonable

maybe even most,
of what i believe is unreasoned, unreasonable, or both.
i'd wager the same is true of you.
we all hold to things that are, either apparently or ultimately, nonsensical;
that is unreasonable.
we constantly accept things without understanding them;
these are unreasoned.
and many things we don't reason through we would find unreasonable.
now, to say something is unreasonable,
is not to say it is untrue.
that is another question entirely,
one i don't want to deal with here.
what i want to know,
is whether this is faith,
this active,
but not always cognitive,
trust in the subconscious assumptions,
traditional maxims,
fantastic religions,
inscrutable fundamentals,
shifting fashions,
and selfish lies
that underlie so many of our daily
and actions.
is all of this faith?
none of it?
some of it?
if you asked me right now
to define faith.
i do not believe i could do that well.
i can offer cute analogies,
simplistic synonyms,
and scriptural descriptions,
i can talk about faith,
pray for more of it,
and even look up a "definition" in a dictionary,
but that's not what i want to know.
i want to know the length, depth, breadth and heart of it.
of course, it may be unreasonable to assume that i could,
but this is what's on my mind.


fear of faith

faith terrifies me.
real faith.
utter trust.
i am so frightfully independent,
afraid of the cost of faith.
i know the truth.
my reason knows reason cannot be irrational.
my heart knows a desire unmatched in this world.
my spirit has felt His touch.
my eyes have seen His work.
my ears have heard others testify.
reason, desire, experience, sight, hearing.
but faith is a step beyond.
it is trust with self-abandon.
i want to have such strong faith
that the truth i know would be deeply and regularly real.
what i desire terrifies me.
my faith feels so weak.
i have not what i desire, what i fear.
have i some secret wish for weak faith?
do i pray in earnest when i ask for strong faith?
knowledge will never take me past fear to the faith i desire.
only perfect love can drive out the fear.
such love can only be a gift.
if i can accept it.
God help me, and forgive me.