well it's 8:10 on a tuesday night
and i'm rummaging thru the pieces of my life
i'm looking for direction
or an answer to the questions on my mind

lord, i don't know where i'm going
i can't see where you're taking me this time
but you said that if i seek you
then i will surely find out in due time

so i will seek you fervently
i'll forsake this world for eternal things
in you i find myself complete
so i seek you... fervently

so now it's 9 o'clock on tuesday
and still i'm feeling mostly undefined
i've heard the voices on the tv
say the answer is in me, myself, and i

but i know that there is more than this
this flesh and bone, this life i live
in you alone, i find my place
i'm not my own, i live only by grace

fervently, fervently, fervently, seeking after thee

and i know that when i seek you
i will surely find you
because you're seeking after me...
fervently, fervently, you're seeking after me


praying to be silent

would that i could remain silent in my prayers.
so often (always?), i am speaking or thinking.
i don't know how to be quiet--
how to listen and let God speak.
i fear that i will never learn.
as nature abhors a vacuum,
so my mind abhors silence.
and i'm not sure why.
so i listen little and talk much.
and ever do i pray for God to speak--
to just butt in and interrupt my reckless train of thought.
it would not be rude, but merciful.
my ever-wandering mind is oft a burden on my heart,
and it starves my soul for silence.
even to concentrate on but one little thing is a bear,
for either sleep comes rushing in
or else my restless mind continually strays to other worlds.
idle thoughts are no less troublesome than idle hands.
indeed, they are often more so.



tonight, the summer air cools my head, arousing feelings my mind fails to describe.
they overwhelm me. it is easier with my eyes closed, when i let my thoughts
descend into the bitter hopes, the dreams, and the warm flow of nostalgia that
ripples in my head, stirred from the depths by the sweet night air.
these times, these are the source of my inspiration. for a time, today slips from
my hands and dissipates into the city street light leaving me naked before the vigilant stars. unrestrained, unfettered, open-eyed and breathing deeply i can see my life clearly.
the nakedness is hard to stand. no, it is hard to stand. the urge within is to run, not for covering, not away from any eyes that might learn my secrets, my body aches to just run. run until the ache is no more, until i reach an edge where i can look out and find the meaning, find the end, the purpose--to run until i know why i'm running or i can run no more. am i alone? is there any other who runs after a place to stand? to stand without the ache? is it even there? will we find it and look back, look back over the worlds we crossed so long ago and smile ever so slightly? such thoughts, such wild dreams. surely this is inspiration, desperation, insanity, and despair. are they so different? though i surely tread among the presumptously grandiose, i must offer this. these few years we have, this life, this is too much to see, too much to understand. if there is any end to the ache or any place to stand, it will not be found while we yet breath. and perhaps, that is for the best.