20010116

i got a job

Well, i took a job yesterday.
...wow.
life is overwhelming and it's been like this for years.
just when i'm beginning to adjust, it's time to move on.
i try to step outside myself every once in a while;
i try to find some perspective.
i suppose you could say that i'm looking for the big picture.
it amazes me how life is at once fantastically long and terribly short.
i find the feeling indescribable,
and so it should be.
who would presume to describe a life in any phrase shorter than the years?
i could not justly biograph a single moment were i to spend a life trying.
and i certainly don't have the time for that.
in no less than a week i will begin a career.
i was confronted by insurmountable opportunities.
so, i made a choice.
i decided to take a job offer yesterday.
...wow.
i'll admit it,
i'm scared.
just like that, i made a decision.
it was not based on knowledge, guidance, nor intuition.
i made the decision because a decision had to be made.
that's not why it scares me.
every decision we make,
from the drastic to the trivial,
reverberates until our dying breath,
and many are made on far less input.
why should this one scare me?
i know.
...at least i think i do.
i fear that i will want to be elsewhere.
and the worst of it,
is that i would feel this way regardless of where i decided to be.
because what i long for has little to do with geography.
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